Oh Crap, What have I done?

This morning I was battling fear big time.  I found myself being inundated with negative thoughts and fears.  Potent, even plausible fears continued to assail my hopeful will and mind.  The “reality” of what I’ve just done – committing myself, publicly to making my dreams come true, sunk in this morning.

I started worrying about the HOWs of this thing and worst of all I started thinking about how I might fail.  We all have different core fears and mine is the idea of feeling “worthless.”  My emotions were in turmoil and I kept thinking, “why is this bothering me so much, where’s the disconnect from yesterday to today?”  And then I realized, I didn’t feel like it today. I didn’t feel like putting the effort in to be positive and motivated.  I just wanted to “be.”   I wanted to ease this burning feeling in my chest and just be comfortable again.  The idea of failure that seemed like no big deal yesterday suddenly felt like the worst thing in the world.  I wasn’t afraid of trying and being rejected, no, what I truly I fear is not following through.

I realized that I had decided to start writing this blog and had set no timeframe, no deadline and really not much more than an idea that I’d write something every day.  So naturally I started wondering about the days I don’t feel like it or the days I go on vacation, what were my rules?  The truth is, I’m not sure yet.  I just need to do this now, to write each day and push.  I’m going to go against my perfectionist nature and I’m going to leave room, at the moment, for the rules to come.

So I’m following through, I’m writing and I’m going to pray every day that God continues to give me the strength to follow through on my dreams.  With his strength it is all possible!

Two other quick thoughts:

-taking a risk & getting even a small task done, checked off the list, can really alleviate the stress of feeling like you’re floundering in your day/life. (I guess, just be careful you’re challenging yourself & not just checking off whatever is easiest)

-Wow, I’m so blessed by kind words from my friends right now.  Thank you friends! Don’t underestimate the power of one kind sentiment said.